Fine golden thread

 

I want to eat even though I am not really hungry

Eating for comfort no longer soothes me the way it use too

I know more

I want more

And I can’t get it out of my mind

It is like when I don’t follow my true heart aspiration

I ache inside

 

Resorting to food for comfort is like putting breaks in my wheels

And it hurts to slow down the process and hinder my journey

 

I want to get to the destination I am so thoroughly in love with

And I can’t wait to get there!!

 

Facing my discomfort is like finding myself in the middle of a storm

 

Even though I want to reach for the sky for a good feeling,

feelings I have lived for my whole life that have given me this false sense of hope

The good feeling I aspire for now

Is pulling me into the ground

Where my feet belong

And where real roots can grow

Roots that can make me taller and stronger

So I can reach for the sky and withstand the storms life presents me with

 

As I grow taller

I settle deeper within

And I feel everything

 

It is a new world

A world where I want to hold my belly

So ever tenderly

And follow this fine golden thread

So ever gently

That it changes me

Into the real woman

I truly aspire to be

Open heart

For the love of this

 

I had a hard day yesterday working on my taxes and spinning my wheels!! Witnessing my anger and impatience rise up with people. Feeling sad in all that!!!

Wanting to change, I choose to stop, take a deep breath and let myself see.  Has I held a pillow in my arms and shed some tears,  I wrote this poem as a means to heal and change…

 

Exhausted

Sad

Angry

 

No desire to resort to my addictions

 

Too bankrupt

Cost is too high

 

Dreams and goals are too precious

To turn my back on

 

So much pain

For all the precious missed opportunities

 

So much possibility

For a brighter future

 

So much to dream of

 

Laying down

Finding that calm gentle place within

 

Letting the anger and frustration melt away

 

Letting go of my resistance

That has kept me locked, into a victim

 

Sad to witness

All my anger

 

Anger that no longer works for me

 

I know too much

And see too much

 

Time to let go

 

No drugs

Just space

Opening up

Unraveling

Allowing

Mourning

 

It feels good

Yet

I am so sad

 

Letting go of this  heavy load

 

Making space for the new me

The real me

The sweet me

The kind me

 

May I lay my head down

In this

And gently move

In this

For the love

 

Of  THIS…

Our guardian angel

I wrote this poem when all I want to do was eat to sooth my thoughts and feelings and made a choice in that moment to do something that was nourishing to my spirit instead of stumping on it. It felt good to do so and made me feel empowered. This poem is about the woman I truly aspire to be, this vision I have of her (of me) that I adore is what makes me want to keep moving forward, embracing changes and creating new healthy habits in my life.

 

She is inside my body

I can only get a glimpse of her

Just enough to touch my soul

And to keep moving

Forward

 

She is at ease

She enjoys being with herself

She is comfortable with who she is

She loves quiet time alone

She does not have the need to eat away at her thoughts and feelings

 

She is focused

She is at peace with herself

And loves life

 

She loves comfort

A comfort she has earned

From a deep sense of peace within herself

 

She is in control

 

Her focus is different than mine

She does not waste her time dwelling on things

 

She always looks at how she can move forward

 

She stays with her clarity

 

She is kind

She listens

 

Even when the pressure builds up

She does not give in

Just because she can’t stand the heat

 

She follows that thread of goodness

That she knows the truth of

 

She knows

That that thread

Is her guardian angel

 

Our guardian angel

 

Even if her thoughts and feelings want to do otherwise

Even if she is not understood

 

She is calm

She listens

She is kind

 

She is a real woman

A grown up

 

Pressure is not an issue in her life

Not something she needs to run away from

Be afraid of

Or resist

 

It is what it is

 

She is kind

She is focused

 

She is not afraid to loose a friend

 

She does not need to be liked

Nor disliked

 

She is kind

 

She too can make mistakes

She does not fear that

She follows her clarity

The thread of goodness

That she knows off

 

Nothing to fear

ALL is okay

 

She is with her guardian angel

 

Our guardian angel

All is well

 

What would I do

If I did not sabotage myself

 

I would soar

 

Our natural state is to give

This is how we breathe

As living creatures

 

I can do this

 

Keep my head up

And focus

On this wealthy woman I adore

 

Her skin is soft and shinny

She wears diamond jewels

Her glow emanates from her comfort within

 

She is well

 

All is well

Got to love myself!!!

I am going to write “I love you!”

Everywhere I can!!

In the darkness of night

In the darkness of night

You either berry yourself

In your thoughts and feelings

Or you seek the light

And find it

In the depth of your soul